To the Soon-to-Be Empty Nester: Here’s What No One Told Me
Just leaving my workout this morning, I had the sweetest conversation with two friends who are both graduating their youngest from high school this year and feeling all the emotions that come with becoming empty nesters.
One of them told me she wakes up in the middle of the night worried that her best parenting days are behind her.
She said out loud the thing I think so many moms quietly wonder:
“What will I even do with all my time once he leaves?”
And listen — these women are BOSS BABES. Strong, capable, successful women. Confident, busy, full of life, and deeply fulfilled in careers and families they love.
Two years ago, I was standing in that exact same place too.
At the intersection of wrapping up one beautiful season, and stepping into another one that felt unfamiliar.
What would our home feel like without them there every night?
What would we do for fun?
How would we stay connected to the friendships and routines built around years of ballgames, practices, carpools, and sitting in the stands together cheering our kids on?
And quietly underneath all of it was this lingering thought:
“I don’t know what’s next for me.”
Maybe you’ve felt that too.
Can I offer you some encouragement that a mentor once shared with me, in case no one has said it to you yet?
Your best days are not behind you.
This next season can actually be full of joy and growth and fun for you too.
For the first time in a long time, I suddenly had space to ask myself questions I hadn’t had time to consider in years:
What do I want this next season of life to look like?
What hobbies do I now have the time and energy for?
Who am I becoming now?
And here’s why asking this really matters:
As our kids head off to college and begin a brand-new season, we are asking them to do something they’ve never done before.
We are asking them to become beginners.
And maybe… we are beginners too.
It’s Good For Us To Start Again
Our kids start new sports, new clubs, hard classes, internships, jobs, friend groups, and experiences they aren’t good at yet.
And as parents, we encourage them through all of it.
We remind them that growth takes time, confidence comes with practice, perseverance matters, being bad at something is part of becoming good at it
But somewhere along the way, many of us stop allowing ourselves to be beginners too.
Between the schedules, the practices, the dinners, the logistics, the volunteering, the endless driving and organizing and emotional labor of raising a family, there often isn’t much room left for us to try something new ourselves.
Especially something we might not immediately be good at (hello, recovering perfectionist over here)
But I think there is something deeply healthy — and even holy — about allowing ourselves to begin again.
To learn. To stretch. To create. To risk being uncomfortable long enough to grow.
“Unused Creativity Is Not Benign”
I love the way Brene Brown talks about creativity when she says:
“Unused creativity is not benign.”
It eventually turns into resentment, exhaustion, bitterness, frustration, and all the other things that slowly steal our joy.
Because we were created to create.
And as believers, we know Scripture speaks to this too.
God gives each of us gifts — not simply for ourselves — but so we can use them to love people, serve others, build community, and point people back to Him.
What a beautiful thing for our kids to watch us live out too.
Our Kids Need To See Us Begin Again
One of the unexpected gifts of this season has been realizing how much connection comes from letting our kids watch us become beginners too.
When they see us learning something new, building a business, taking up a hobby, trying and failing and growing, persevering through discomfort
…it reminds them that this is what growth looks like for all of us.
It gives us a shared language.
It deepens trust.
And honestly, I think it helps them receive our encouragement differently when they know we are living it too.
They may tease you a little at first (or, wait - is that just mine?)
But eventually they realize:
They understand exactly how this feels.
And that connection with them is kind of the whole point.
What Do You Want To Create?
So let me ask you:
What do you want to create in this season?
What dream, hobby, idea, business, ministry, or creative nudge have you quietly pushed aside for years?
That longing you feel…
that little whisper that won’t quite leave you alone…
Maybe it isn’t random.
Maybe it’s an invitation.
Maybe God is growing you into your next season too.
So go make the dinner date on the weeknight that used to be spent at the ballpark.
Bake the loaf of banana bread and take it to the widow at church.
Learn mahjongg.
Take golf lessons.
Write the book.
Start the business. (Hiiiiiii 👋)
Begin the ministry.
Take up needlepoint.
Try something that sounds fun again.
And give yourself permission to be bad at it long enough to become good.
Your Best Days Are Not Behind You
This season is not the ending of your purpose.
It may actually be the beginning of rediscovering parts of yourself that have been waiting patiently underneath years of loving and serving everyone else.
And the really fun thing is, our kids don’t stop needing us when they leave home.
The relationship just changes a little.
Sometimes the deepest connection comes when they watch us continue growing too.
If this encouraged you, send it to a fellow mom entering this season too. And if you’re navigating college transitions, move-in season, or figuring out how to stay connected with your college kids, we’d love to walk alongside you here.